Levi

"As he lets the sand filter through his hand it clumps in the puddle of tears he's sitting in and we whisper in unison 'God, I must have bummed you out again.' And I love this rainy weather, it reminds me of so many beautiful memories. And just like you said to me, the times that I cry are the times that I feel the most so if I find another secret to hide, you will never know. I want to feel like I can maintain control and if I let it all out then I'm gounna have to bare my soul. All I want is a hand to hold onto. No, no, no, no. All I want is for you to heal my dad's back- why is that so hard for you to do? I HATE this rainy weather, it reminds me of being a kid, when I would trust without question, and aren't there so many questions? Why are there so many questions? GET OUT OF MY HEAD."

So there's this poet who calls himself Levi the Poet, and this kid, this man, this soul is something unique. He's a force to be reckoned with. This kid, this man, this soul writes poems that mean so much and so little at the same time. His poems, you fall into them. You start with one listen, and maybe it's a little weird that he screams, and then you listen to another, and then another, and then you buy his CD. He incorporates his message in his intonation, his volume, his breathing. His words are scary, if only because they are terrifyingly true. And his words are holy as well. You hear God moving through him, and it isn't the God that we find in a magazine, a God who wears rosaries as jewelry, it isn't a God who reads his vocation off a piece of paper, but the God that truly shines through him is a God who is so true and passionate and lovely that you can't help but want to pray for yourself so that maybe your sufferings will pay off one day like his did. His poems are not happy, easy, or fun. They are true. And full of God.
And I don't know how he does it, but I have such respect for him. And the respect I have found for Levi through his poetry is something I've only found in one other person in my life.
And that's why I am going through a Levi obsession. Please understand.

My glorious

This one's for you, Devon. (This is what I was singing in Math).

Complaints

Everyone has their fair share of things to complain about. And you know what, it is perfectly HEALTHY and even what I would define as GOOD FOR YOU to complain. But there's this catch about complaining:

As much as you need to do it, you have to do something ELSE as well, you need to work on it. If all you do is complain again and again, not only will people get tired of listening, but all you're doing is digging yourself a whole to fall in. The more you complain, the more excuses you give yourself, the worse listener you become, and the more depressed you become.

I mean, don't get me wrong, it is good to complain. It is NECESSARY. But the catch is that you need to DO something with your complaints- if you're upset that you said something mean to a friend, then go say SORRY to that friend. If you're complaining that your back hurts (ahem ahem) go tell your parents to (excuse the profanity) fucking shut up and take you to a doctor (even though I know you have tried, my friend). If you don't DO anything, then you're useless. If all you can do is complain, then you have failed yourself. That is the truth.

And as for complaining about things that you can't control, well, that's just ridiculous. That is plain dumb. That is not only inappropriate but detremental, because it is a worry/complaint that you can't fix, and therefore shouldn't worry about.

And I am not saying don't CARE. But there is a diffence between CARING and complaining/worrying.

So remember that.

If you want to complain, you have to be willing to take action to right the problem.
Otherwise, what is the use in complaining at all??

A little bitter, but true.

Stay Rad,
Riley

Goodmorning Sunshine

It's a pleasure to feel you today.
So I know I haven't posted anything on this blog for almost two months, but I mean, for a while of it I was in the hospital, and after getting OUT of the hospital I had some crazy make up work to do.
And I made mistakes and I hurt friends and I made things right and I helped friends, but most importantly I decided to go on retreat this past weekend.
And let me tell you.
I don't know if you've ever been on a retreat, I don't care if you're Christian or not. Retreat is something you can't miss. A retreat is like literally getting away from all of the LIFE you're dealing with and finally living. You get to hit the reset button.
And so I know that I'm pretty sure none of you who follow me are Catholic (besides Dev Dev), so I don't expect you to get this. But there's this thing we crazy Catholic's do called adoration. And do cut out all the complicated theology and explanations of transubstantiation that can take hours, I'm going to get down right to the root of it. We believe that we are literally siting in the presence of God and it is NOTHING but awe inspiring. And that's where my reset began. That's where I could finally say, alright God, I'm not living this the way I need to be. I'm not acting the way I should. What do you want me to do? And you know what? God told me a whole lot. But one thing that is an undeniable truth that can go for any religion or lack there of is something that I was graced with learning: Are you sure you're actually living?
Because I realized I wasn't. So I wanted to take this chance to challenge you all. Look at your life.

Are you sure you're actually living?

I may have been featured

For my ridiculous texts.....

They're average.

You're clever

It's almost robotic

Support

So sometimes in life, things are going to be bad. There's no other way to put that. That is simply just the truth. And I know that when things go bad, if you're like anyone I know, it's hard to let other people know. It's hard to tell them that you are weak, it's hard to lean on them. No matter what, you think you'll bother them. You think your problems aren't worth worrying about. You think their problems are worse than yours. You think that YOU aren't worth worrying about.

I know the feeling, that feeling rules my life. The feeling of wishing there was someone to call but not wanting to bother someone, not wanting to worry them. And bottom line, those feelings are incorrect. False. Wrong. Whatever word you want to use. I'm not saying that YOU are incorrect, false, wrong, or that what you're going through is false, wrong, incorrect, not worth worrying about. The feeling that you aren't worth worrying about, etc etc, is wrong.

Let me give you an example. For those who know me, they know that I have RSD. And honestly, it is SO hard for me to let people know about how I'm doing. I won't let them in- I won't let them see the pain- the excruciating pain- every second of every day. I soldier on. And I fall, sometimes. Because when I go to far, I pass out from the pain. My body just physically can't take it. I don't sleep, I don't eat, and I can't do anything I want to because of my leg. But more of the passing out. Sometimes I need support. Someone to catch me- literally- as I fall. Someone to make sure my head doesn't hit that sharp corner or the ground to hard. I need someone to help me. And so I've had a lot of time to think about that- someone literally catching me. And in that moment, they care. And in that moment, I feel even that much better.

So my point is that you are not invincible, you are not super man (even Curly Q.... those who know that she's convinced she is). You are not a bother. Because all those feelings, they get even that much better when you let someone CATCH you. Someone hold you up. Someone tell you to sit and then they stay with you til you're better. And that's what will happen.

All that I'm fine/I'll be okay nonsense is, in every aspect of the term, complete shit.

So maybe don't lie. And if you let them hold you, carry you, then take solace in the fact that you're going to be okay. You're going to get through it. And they may have to catch you 26 times in one day, but as long as you let them, they'll catch you.

Stay rad,
Riley

Failure

What is failure?
Please, tell me... because I am interested in knowing your response.

Understanding

Never have I believed the saying "Never judge til you've walked a mile in his shoes" more than now.
Or better yet, don't give false compassion until you've tried living how someone lives.
You can advise, pity, attempt to help someone.
But never compare what you have to what they have.
Because that contest never works.
Just let them feel their pain.
Help them through.
But don't "comfort" them, pretend you "understand" by giving them a load of your problems too.
Because then, they're worse off.
And they like you less, too.

Stay Rad,
Riley

Loss

Is such a hard thing. It's such a broad topic as well. But I'm not going to talk about death or friendship or religion or hope. Loss of those things is too much to discuss. I'm going to talk about loss of the things you love- a favorite activity, a favorite place.

So, in life, there are obstacles that hold us back- be it physical or mental. But no matter what the obstacle is, it's not just the problem of the obstacle that is so terrible, but the loss of what you do.

Imagine being on the outside. Watching the one activity that you love- but not being able to participate. Watching, wishing, hoping, you're separated from that source of love, joy, pride, and happiness. You're separated from this- almost as if by a pane of glass. You can look, see, walk around, walk through, but never be part of it. Never feel that excitement, exasperation, exhaustion. You're merely a ghost- gliding through the world you once loved.

You can do as much as you can- maybe stay on the side. But it's like finding sustenance, but never being completely satisfied.

The bottom line is that it sucks- for lack of a better word.

I wish I could give a happy end, maybe how to get through it. But the only thing I can find to say is a very true quote from one man that I respect. "Keep your chin up, soldier."

It'll all be okay in the end. No matter the obstacle. It'll pass.
God puts these obstacles in our way to help us learn how to get through.
And the whole point of this to to grow.
So grow. Go and grow.
It'll be okay.
So maybe after all I have a happy ending for this. Being on the outside isn't all that bad. Because on the outside, you can find all the other things. And you can look in, feel pride for what you love. Because if you truly love it, it's not loss at all, it's just... change. Change you can feel, but change that is good.



P.S. check out the band Mumford and Sons. They have a couple of good songs like Awake My Soul or Winter Winds. They're very good.


(They've been on Letterman).



Love,
Riley

An old poem

I found this poem in a journal I was reading.
I liked it, and thought I would share.
P.S. Something about me- I love endings with a twist.


Your embrace is my fortress
Protecting my from all
With your words
I stand or I fall
Your negligence
Is my heartache
Your attention
Make my world quake
Your absence
Is to my disdain
Your presence
Kills all the pain
The reason I love you
Is that you make me feel
Something I seldom do
Save for when I'm with you

But the terrible part is
That my love
Shouldn't be his.

Disappointment.

You know the feeling of a little kid who works for months on their ballet recital and then, opening night, the minute they hit the stage, they look out for mom or dad and can't wait to show their parents what they've done and then... Nothing.
There's no one sitting in the seats they saved.
There's no smiling parent, gleaming with pride.
There's no video recorder. No flashing cameras.
Just... Empty space.

I'm much older than a little kid, but sometimes, it's hard not to feel that terrible emptiness of disappointment... when all your hard work takes the back seat to everything else in life.

Sorry that's so terribly "emo kid" of me.

Stay rad,
Riley.

Deployment

What does that word actually mean?
Merriam Webster says that it means

1

a : to extend (a military unit) especially in width b : to place in battle formation or appropriate positions

2

: to spread out, utilize, or arrange for a deliberate purpose <deploy a sales force> <deploy a parachute>


But to me, it means goodbye.
Fare well.
Good luck.
Don't die.

So, to that one that is more to me than I think he knows, that is a friend and a savior and a mentor and a shoulder and a voice and a philosophy major and an English major and a history major and a secret barber shop quartet member and a driver home of random adolescents:
You promised me you wouldn't get shot in the face.
And I'm holding you to that.
And in the ways that you understand, I love you. Stay safe.

Stay rad,
Riley

Vulnerability

If you're anything like me, this'll make perfect sense:

Vulnerability...
It's the hardest thing for some people to deal with. It's my biggest problem- the desire to be strong, invulnerable on the surface. Why do I do it? I don't want to "bother" people with what's on the inside. I could NEVER be vulnerable, never. Because when you build a nicely thought out wall around your true emotions, you "save" yourself from being hurt. Because it's so easy to pretend that that wall will protect you from getting hurt- from letting someone in, letting them see the TRUE, the RAW you, and leaving. But it never works. Never. You're going to have to let someone in, you're going to have to get hurt. If you don't, you'll end up with no one and nothing but a fake smile and a whole hell of a lot of pent up emotion.

If you let someone in, all the times you're not getting hurt (which is very rarely), you're doing so good. Because you don't have to worry about how you're acting and you don't have to concentrate on pretending to be 100% wonderful all the time, you just have to BE. So here are some tips about dealing with vulnerability:

Don't try to be strong all the time. Don't pretend you're superman. Don't pretend you can do it all. Don't paste a smile and say you're fine and go on. Don't sit and listen and never take the chance to speak. Don't be afraid to ask for help. It's NOT a good idea. You can't always put yourself last- it's not kind, it's stupid.

It never works out. And I promise, you'll be left crying at night with no one to listen because you listen to them, so much so that they can't listen to you. And when you break, they get terrified that the strongest thing in their life is broken.

So, it's OKAY to be vulnerable.
It's okay to say you're in pain.
It's all okay.
Because once you stop being "strong", you start living.
And once you start living, you can be more of a help to everyone and, more importantly, YOURSELF, then you ever imagined.

Remember that.
Stay rad,
Riley

P.S. If this helps, let me know. Maybe we can talk about it.

Blame.

It's so easy to blame other.
Or to blame yourself.
When honestly, blame is such a fruitless thing.
It doesn't fix the problem.
It doesn't find a solution.
It doesn't reverse the problem from ever happening.
All it is is a stupid waste of time.
And all it causes is more problems.
Guilt.
Pain.
Anger.
So, think not about passing the blame, receiving blame, etc. It's just a waste of energy.
You need to think about getting the situation fixed.

It'd be so easy to blame you.
Or it'd be so easy to blame me.
But all in all.
We're both blame free.

Think about it, act on it, tell me about it.

Stay rad,
Riley

Disappearing

Of the face of the earth for a while.

Just try it.

You'd be surprised how good it feels.

P.S. That means you can't check your facebook, twitter, blog, email, voicemail, or texts.

That means you can't see anyone.

That means that you've got to go do SOMETHING

or NOTHING

But tell NO ONE

It's awesome.

Family

What do you do when they betray you?

Pain

Tell me what you think of it. Is it actually a real thing? Or is it just a warped sense of mind? Can you control it? Or merely put on a very convincing mask and lie through a pretty smile?
What do you think.
I think- I know it can be masked. All it takes is practice and patience.
Stay Rad,
Riley

Friends

so a comment by David (http://thattheologystudent.blogspot.com/) got me thinking about friendships. I Don't think we're alwaYs goOd friends to the people we love. think about it- do yoU always call when your friend says they're only having an oKay day? or are you too "busy"? i kNow that there are a lot Of times when i am. i lose sight of who i love because of all things in the World that I don't love. And tell Me- do you know what terrifies your friendS? do you know how to make them feel better? i know that i don't always know what to do. beCause there's this silly problem thAt each and eveRyone of us havE. it's calleD being human. which means that it's okay to not always be there, it's okay to mess up, because if you didn't mess up, you'd have no stories, no memories, no ideas, no semblance of right and wrong, and no joy. if you didn't mess up you wouldn't be you. and honestly, you are what attracts friends. so try your best, but that's all you can do- try your best. so don't sweat the little things, don't sweat the things that you can't fix. all that's going to cause is worry. you're perfect, just the way you are.

stay rad,
riley

P.S. Did you find my secret?

So I told you I have a secret...

So look out in the next few posts... you'd be surprised the secrets I'll hide.
Stay rad,
Riley

I was going to write this about....

Going to the hospital and such. But life has a funny way of slapping you in the face.
So I wanted to talk about some stuff.
Like how bloody idiotic it is to just "take a hit" of someone's cig when you're in high school. Or how some people think their only danger is parents figuring out- rather than losing a friend because they're so immature.
But... maybe you smoke. Or maybe one of your family members does. So I'm sorry if this offends you. I just don't think that a "devout Catholic" kid should be getting into that shit. At least, not until they're old enough to outgrow the whole hard core scene.
Maybe you have a problem. Maybe you know someone who is being ridiculous. If so, tell me about them. If you want, the comment won't go through (I moderate them... no need... but it makes me feel... important.) Maybe I'll give you a call or shoot you an email. I'm good at fixing things.
Also, let me know your opinions on attention. My next post will be about that.

Bonus: my friend challenged me this: Write a good thought every day for a week, a month, a year. Tell me your good thing. My good thing for today? "Just look at that smile, it's contagious." The pain doctor? He's pretty awesome.

Stay rad,
Riley.

So it's been a while

since I've last posted... for various reasons like band camp and this pesky problem I seem to be having concerning my left calf. I've got something that in the medical world they like to call RSD. Which, if you didn't know, is actually a synonym for the word "shitty". But the point: Today, I was supposed to go to a friend's house and hang out with some friends but I had a really bad side effect from my new pain medication- nausea. So long story short, I called in sick.
And that got me thinking. What stuff in life do you do that seems to help the bigger issue but ends up ruining the small things with it's "side effects"?
Let me know.
Stay rad,
Riley.
P.S. I've got a secret....

Somedays....

I just dont' feel like taking my medicine... or eating my vegetables.... or running a few miles.... or talking to people... or being normal.Some days, I want to eat strawberries all day. Some days I want to only eat things that are orange (try it, it's fun). Some days I want to sit. Some days I want to read. Some days I want to walk (to that place I'm not really allowed to go). Some days I want to sneak out. Some days I do. Some days I feel like playing guitar. Some days I feel like learning by doing and figuring out how to restring a guitar (with patience, if you were wondering). SOme days I want to talk fast. Some days I want to talk slow. Some days I want to sit outside, in that place. We all that that place. For me, it used to be the hamock in my back yard... until we moved. Now, it's on this little bench in our garden. So tell me, what do you want to do some days? Where do you want to go if you just want to.... escape.

I made a stunning realization... band + torn muscle + sleep depriavation.....

Don't make for a particularly creative day. So I won't be updating a whole lot the next two weeks. mostly I'll be sleeping. Have a great two weeks, tell me if you have any really big plans. You know what, tell me a story about you as well... or your deepest darkest secret. Maybe I'd like to get to know you better.
Stay rad,
Riley.

With my stories.... (P. S. I'm spoiling the END of the book)

My friend got really upset at me because I may have taken the artistic decision to kill all my main characters off. And then she ran and sat in my closet.
Which got me thinking, what do you hide from (figurative/literal)? Why do people hide in general?
Tell me about it.
For me, it's truth/reality. I can't handle it. So I decide to live in my own little worlds of misconceptions.
Stay rad,
Riley

There's this song...

In the movie John Tucker Must Die (not judging.... just judging... I understand). And it's by Ben Lee (or by Modest Mouse) called Float On. And my friend and I (wecanbuilditallagain.blogspot.com) couldn't figure out what song it was for the life of us. It's funny how stuff evades you sometimes. Look it up. The lyrics help a lot more than you'd imagine.
Stay rad,
Riley.

So I was at my mother's office....

And I had absolutely nothing to do.... besides, you know, check my blog. But since I'm really not all that interesting and no one else has updated their blogs yet (I've come to the conclusion that the people I follow actually have lives), it was an unrewarding endeavor. But I had to come up with something to occupy my time. So I decided to conquer my lack of interesting material by writing anyway. This may be completely and utterly dull, I am sorry.

So I really don't have anything to say, other than that I'm cursing my wonderful ability to procrastinate. I have a shit load (excuse the language) of summer work to do. Which means that after/around/during my next two weeks of band camp (really, it's just like American Pie depicts it...), I have to complete all my summer assignments. Which seems ludicrous, because the AP work is really just busy work.

But I do need some help. I'm entering one of two manuscripts of mine into a writing contest to see if they may get published, except they have one debilitating flaw. The titles have the terrible problem of being identical to the titles of other.. popular books/series. The first: Left Behind. How can I change that? The second: Dear John (I know, it sounds like the Nicholas Sparks novel/movie, but when I wrote the story, I had no idea that Nicholas Sparks' book existed.)

Any help you can offer would be amazing.

Stay rad,
Riley

Tell me what you're doing this summer

So a friend wrote to me....

And she sent me her journal with all her secrets in it. At one part, she mentioned asdfjksemicolon.com. Go check that out. The moderator of that site probably could write a book with all he/she has learned. It kind of reminds me of post secret/secret regrets (minus the competition for recognition). Maybe that's what everyone needs- an ear to finally hear them. So this week, find someone random, ask them how they are doing. And don't take "good" "okay" "fine" "great" for an answer. Really ask them how they are doing, show interest. Ask them what's been going on in their life, don't take "nothing much" or "same old same old" for an answer. Find out what interesting stuff they've done. You might feel weird, they might feel weird, but in the end, they'll know you care. Maybe that's waht everyone needs- someone to care.

Think about it.
P.S. I have an idea... look up Dan Brown if you don't know him. If you do, tell me what you think his secret plan is. He's got an idea, and whatever it is, it's going to be big.

Stay rad,
Riley

There was this thing I did....

Once. I wrote a story, I wrote a poem, I wrote a song, I wrote anything that came to mind.
Here's a song I wrote:

I haven't been out since God knows when
And I haven't seen you again.
And it's been so long since you left
And it's been too much that I've wept

So I sit here alone
Thinking on my own
I sit here alone
Staring at the phone

But I know you won't call
I waited through the fall
And I know you won't come
In a day under the sun
And it's been so long since I've seen you
And I haven't a clue what to do

So I sit here alone
Thinking on my own
I sit here alone
Throwing words like a stone

And splash, they go
But still you don't show
And splash, I know
I've hit an all time low
And it's been too long for me to wait
And it's been too much for me to take

I sit here alone
Thinking on my own
I sit here alone
It's time for me to go

So I'm going away
Where? I won't say
I'm done today
It'll be two years this may.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~


So I have a poem as well... I know it's weird. But these are the things that I write when I'm bored.

Picture perfect
Nightime sky
Swift sailboat
Stifled cry
Black water
So serene
Cut cleanly
By the knife
And me

Stay rad,
Riley

I updated every day like a fiend last week.....

But this week.... well, it's been completey insane. My elder sister got married and therefore I have had not a life but sleeping and wedding. I was a bridesmaid and the whole shindig was insane. But now, it has finished. I'm in a state of writers block, but I'll get back to posting more once I finally catch up on all the sleep I've missed the past week.

One last thing for tonight

I realized that when I click the "Next blog" button and other people have one or two followers, the superficial part of me feels better. The rest of me just wants to hit "follow" so they know that someone cares.

Stay rad,

Riley

I'm a little addicted

To this whole blogging thing. I have a new addiction and their name is HeyHiHello.
Check them out.

I had a though tonight, as I was reading a friend's blog (check out jackthenut.blogspot.com). About kindness. And random acts thereof. People have trouble doing random acts of kindness. Why? A big problem is defining what a RANDOM act of kindness is and when it's appropriate to do it.

So first we need to define a random act of kindness. Is it helping out a stranger? Or is it helping out the people you know? Is it picking up trash without being asked? Is it doing the little things that need to get done? Is it doing things even if other people won't notice? The answer to all these questions is yes. Does it have to be something huge? No. I think it's helping anyone out, without being asked, without wanting credit. That's so hard to do as we all want credit and want our "15 minutes of fame." And although that may seem impossible, you can achieve that by not only helping someone out first hand but also helping someone out indirectly. Maybe you set their place at dinner or pick up trash or clean the kitchen/bathroom(s) when everyone's out. All the things that they may take for granted that would make a huge difference if they weren't done. Doing little housekeeping things could make someone else's job much easier, therefore being an act of kindness. It could be going out of your way to tell someone they are special, in whatever way you choose. And don't worry, no matter what, if you do something just to be kind without wanting credit, someone will always notice.

Second, no mater what, always be kind and do a r.a.c. if you can. The difference it makes is unbelievable.

Here are a few quotes on kindness:
"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." ~Aesop
"It is when you give of yourself that you truly give." ~Kahil Gibran
"Choose being kind over being right, and you'll be right every time." ~Richard Carlson
"Real generosity is doing something nice for someone who will never find out." ~Frank A. Clark
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."~Philo
"...Kindness in giving creates love." ~Lao-Tse
"I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver." ~Maya Angelou
"All of us are born for a reason, but all of us don't discover why. Success in life has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish for yourself. It's what you do for others." ~Danny Thomas
"When you carry out acts of kindness you get a wonderful feeling inside. It is as though something inside your body responds and says, yes, this is how I ought to feel." ~Harold Kushner
"Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again." ~Og Mandino
"Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference." ~Barbara De Angelis
"Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end." ~Scott Adams
"Kindness trumps greed: it asks for sharing. Kindness trumps fear: it calls forth gratefulness and love. Kindness trumps even stupidity, for with sharing and love, one learns." ~Marc Estrin


This one doesn't make a lot of sense, sorry, I'm exhausted. Think about that. Act on it. Tell me about it.
Stay rad,
Riley.

Well, it's true that....

There really aren't a lot of you out there. But honestly, I don't care. I don't think there's anyone out there reading this... If there is, let me know. If not, then finally I'm letting it all out. Which is very very very nice. I've got something else for you today. It's from an old journal:

Stage Fright

The fear
Stops me
Grips me
Holds me tight
My eyes widen
Wide as a doe's
In the blinding spot light

A sea of eyes
A pool of faces
Lookin up
Waiting, Wondering
Impatient
For me to begin

Beads of sweat
I start
Foll down my nose
I speak
Drip onto the mic
I recite
Poetry in life

I finish
Take a step back
Asses
Success


And just one more little tid bit:

Surely I'm not in love
Surely for him I lust
Surely for love I long
Surely I'm not to trust

If you're there, tell me about you.
Stay rad,
Riley

One more one more thing for tonight.

Just kidding, I have one more thing to say.
"The World Is Mine" by Alex Day (aka nerimon). It's an absolutely amazing song. He's wonderful.
Stay rad,
Riley

One more thing for tonight.

I just wanted to share a story.
Of how I fell in love once.
His name was Boy. And we met in a silly way. We met in that class that was the basis of our relationship. That language that was the basis of our love. We talked in that class in that language. And that's how we met. And we did silly things like hold hands and hug and stalk eachother on Facebook. And we became close friends. And he helped me more than Boy can ever imagine. And I helped him too I think. And we fell in love. And we broke up. But love doesn't die like that. And we got back together. And we talked more in that language but we were no longer in that class. And we fell deeper in love. And we talked about spending our lives together. And living happy and in love. And we broke up. Because he moved to that country that was too far away. And I didn't try hard enough I guess. Because love doesn't fade like that. Unless you're boy, and then it does.

Maybe you have a similar story.
Let me know.
Stay rad,
Riley

IF there's one thing I want to share it's this

We all talk about the plans for our lives.... What we're going to do. Not what we do. So before you die, because we all die, you've got to do something with your life. You've got to fall in love or go sailing or take a risk or break a bone. Make every moment memorable. Make a list. I did. Here's 100 things I'm going to do.

1. Take pictures with strangers at the mall
2. Make a video to put on youtube
3. Serenade someone with song
4. Jump into a pool fully clothed
5. Dance in the rain
6. Sing in public
7. Blow something up (like on explosion Wednesday.... if you understand that reference then you have watched Craig Benzine or WheezyWaiter on youtube, and if so then you're my new favorite person, all 100,000+ of you subscribers.)
8. Write a song with guitar, bass, and piano parts
9. Go to New York City
10. Drive across the country
11. Go a week without any outside communication
12. Read every Shakespeare play
13. Build a fence
14. Party all night
15. Give all my money to someone homeless
16. Go on a mission trip
17. Run through a field/skip through flowers
18. Go to Germany
19. Adopt a kid
20. Play Wonderwall by Oasis in the streets of Dublin
21. Kiss an Irish man
22. Graduate
23. Get a job
24. Quit dramatically
25. See Sam again
26. Go to Mexico
27. Let someone go
28. Get someone back
29. Save a life
30. Write a book
31. Get that book published
32. Read the entire bible
33. Go sky diving
34. Change someone's life
35. Write a letter to someone special
36. Mail it
37. Break a lamp
38. Be a God parent
39. Be an LIT at YMCA camp high harbour
40. Get married
41. Learn Spanish
42. Learn Italian
43. Get lost
44. Stay lost
45. Make a garden
46. Break a heart
47. Play in the snow
48. Work in a coffee shop
49. Go to Disney World
50. Go to England
51. Fall in love
52. Go to Vegas
53. Gamble
54. Get myself found
55. Voulenteer at a hospital
56. Get my heart broken
57. Punch someone out
58. Try out for a roll in a movie
59. Play someone a song on three instruments
60. Learn to dance
61. Go to Chicago
62. Move away
63. Take a spontaneous vacation
64. Learn to knit
65. Buy a boat
66. Go to a Sufjan Stevens concert
67. Go to prom
68. Have a co ed party
69. Make an invention
70. Climb a tree
71. Swim out to the far end of a swimming zone
72. Do a triathlon
73. Go to all 50 states
74. Take a risk
75. Have a wheel chair raced
76. Make a CD
77. Dress up as someone different every day for a month
78. Get my belly button pierced
79. Go to a movie premier
80. Get a tattoo
81. Play the drums
82. Sneak out
83. Buy a bird and set it free
84. Make absolutely no sense
85. Have a debate
86. Go a year without lying
87. Own a gun
88. Go shooting
89. Make a table
90. Study explosions
91. Act funny
92. Become a photographer
93. Go to a tanning salon
94. Get kicked out of a Wal Mart
95. Have a staring contest
96. Stay up for three days straight
97. Walk alone in a park
98. Get soaked in the rain
99. Buy a house of my own
100. Fly a plane

It may seem stupid, some of them may not make sense. But it's the little things that make the best memories. Some of those I've done, some I haven't. I've got years left. I really hope that this can inspire you.... if there is a you.... to want to do this.

A song to look up is A Lack Of Color by Death Cab for Cutie. I found it on shuffle today because that's how the best songs are discovered, I think.

Stay rad,
Riley

So once I wrote a poem

It was about a sparrow. It goes something like this:

The Sparrow
I once had a sparrow
Nimble, lean, narrow
Red and blue and white and black
I dreamt of flight atop its back
In spring rains or summer heat
My sparrow and I would daily meet
I loved that sparrow, gentle and kind
It shed a new light upon my mind
I loved it so very much
There are times now when I can almost feel its touch
And it loved me too
Even when I’d bid it to shoo
But spring and summer surely faded
My sparrow left me jaded
It ran away with love of the fall
Even thought it promised it’d be here through it all
Fall left with leaves strewn around
My whole life- askew on the ground
Winter came- frigid and cold
If only that sparrow was mine to hold
Finally the dawn of spring broke
On my tears I would choke
The thoughts of my sparrow
Were ending and narrow
I sat alone in the frozen sun
Looked out over the little ones
Felt a familiar tap on my head
I looked up and my heart nearly stopped dead
There was my sparrow
For me, nimble and narrow
It had returned
For me, it had returned

And when I wrote it, I thought nothing of it.
Tell me what you think.

Stay rad,
Riley

Maybe it's inspiration....

Maybe it's not. It's been a year and a half since my last post, and two since I started this blog. It wasn't until a good friend of mine was updating her blog that I thought to myself that eh, I might want to look into this again. But part of me wants this to be my private, public sharing ground. A place to rant and express without letting old friends know that I've picked this up again. So it's a little secret. Save for growing, learning, and drastically improving my conventions, I'm still the same. Maybe the pop cultural world has softened my attitudes, erased my originality. Maybe it has not. We'll see, won't we? I think I might take this blog in a new direction.
I may suggest other blogs (like dailyraz.blogspot.com or secondchanceonline.blogspot.com or postsecret.com).
Some part of me was lost last year, maybe here I'll let you know where it went.
And maybe if someone sees this, they'll understand why it hurt so much when they went away.

Stay rad,
Riley